Kiss
Puke
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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