Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
