Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
