Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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