I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
