if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
