I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
