I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
