see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
