my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
