i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
