Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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