I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize