So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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