Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize