Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
