it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
