There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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