my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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