I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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