so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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