ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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