i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
