What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
