Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
