and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
