I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
