i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
