thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
