last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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