Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize