Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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