Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
