did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
