this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
