there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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