i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
