Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
