I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize