That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your penis caused this!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
