She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
