Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
