nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
