i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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