Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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