I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
