Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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