I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
