Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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