Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
