a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
