If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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