I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
