can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
