i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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