I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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