In the future we'll all be gay
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
