fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're like the curious george of whores
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
