you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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