is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sober January is a disaster.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
