I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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