I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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