it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
