I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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